The story of "love ya"

A patient told me about this true story. It was saddening but also taught people not to take everything for granted.

One day her friend was doing some work in his room. His mom was doing something in the kitchen downstairs. A while later his mom called him from downstairs, "Hey, (his name) would you please come downstairs to help me with this?" Unfortunately this kid was occupied with his work. Getting frustrated and annoyed by his mother, he yelled back, "Shut up mom, I am busy." The mother didn't say anything back. Another while later, he heard some unusual noise from downstairs, breaking dishes. His mother collapsed and passed away.

It was terrible. This kid looked pretty tough all through the funeral and paperwork. Then he finally sat down and talked about his feelings. "The last thing i said to my mom was 'shut up mom, I am busy'. If there's one thing in my life I wish I haven't said..."

From that moment on, my patient ends every conversation with her parents or her love ones by "love ya". This way she could make sure, not only they know she loves them, but also if anything happens, it's not too late to tell them "i love you". Therefore, even after an argument before going to bed, she says "ok nite love ya".

I think it's a sweet sweet thing to do. Unfortunately, it does feel a little weird in our culture.

I love my parents, but I never tell them, probably in emails. If I tell them I love them, they would probably be freaked out and would think I am dying soon.
I love my sister, she will laugh at me and will have goosebumps.
I love my Godparents' son, aka Godbrother Justin but I bet he will be scared of me from that moment on if I tell him I love him.
I love my Godparents, but it will be weird to tell them, cos i don't do that to my parents. I will work harder on that one.
I love Asuka and Engela from vball team, but they probably think I am creepy.
I love my best friend Mikel, him I don't have a problem with. We do that, sometimes.

At least I said "Goodbye Mama" and hugged her the last time I saw her, before she passed away. I love you grandma.

Read like Mad

I can either write like mad, or read like mad, can never do both at the same time. Or I should say, I have never found the time to do both. It's been more than a week that I haven't input anything in here. The reason is that, I have been reading the Memoir of Geisha. Finishing a book in 6 days is a first for me. For those who haven't had a chance to read this book, I beg you, READ IT.

Life hasn't been treating me bad, but it certainly isn't easy. Working 10 hours a day is not as fun as I thought, although interacting with different patients is one of the most enjoyable part of my job. When the patient is sleeping, I just simply take out the novel and start reading it. After this Memoir of Geisha, I am reading the Goblets of Fire, the Harry Potter series.

I am going to have a cat by next wednesday, a black kitten. I am a little excited for it, for I have never kept a mammalian pet in my entire life. I don't know how it's gonna be. Is it gonna be a mess? Or is it gonna to feel more life?

Poor Sundin, just the third shift after the NHL lockout, broke his orbital bone. I saw him in the newspaper today. His left eye was so swollen. He must be going through a lot of pain. I beg you, please wear a visor.

Second thought

Again and again, Ihad doubts about the decision with nomis, cos i still think of him... a little lot...

Therefore, I was wondering, why did I do that to torture myself? Did I make the right decision? Sometimes, I regret because of the depression (a little) inside. But on MOnday, something reminded me about what happened that night, the night when it happened.

It was my guardian angel. I used the hair straightener (the hair iron) to straighten my hair that night. And I burned myself a little. That burn was from my guardian angel, sarcastically saying, "Do you wanna know how hell feels like? THERE." In hell, I wouldn't be burned for just one spot of my finger, but my whole body. That was scary enough to drive me away from the deadly sin.

It has been a couple of months. It seemed like I forgot about the pain and had second thoughts about the decision of righteousness. Here comes the guardian angel again, "Let me remind you something, like what's gonna happen if you turn away from God, choosing the path to fire, darkness and punishment."

And here you go, a blister at my left II proximal interphalangeal joint.

Tears of joy

I really don't remember when was the last time I wanna cry because of joy. But today, i can tell it's today.

A patient told me that he could feel my touch contained a sense of medical sympathy. My heart was crying, thanking God for letting me know about the precious gift he gave me. It was so flattering. I prayed so hard (Jesus was probably annoyed by me, since I asked for the same thing over and over and over again) to be God's tool. Like St Francis of Assisi's prayer, peace, love, joy... whatever to ppl around me. Make them see himself in me. Me alone cannot do that, i need his help. I need him to be with me all the time.

A touch of sympathy, I am so glad because that's definitely a gift from above which I have no control over. All I can do is to thoroughly use what is given on the people in need.

Frustration with H.L

I went through some frustration time during volunteer time last night. I can't believe I am having frustrations with volunteer work, the work that I look forward to every week. I choose to do MOnday shift because that was the only time I was free when I was still in school. But now, it seems like I need it to be on a Monday to spice up my week. Last night, it was all Colin and Flod's fault.

By the time I got there, Flod was already working. After the usual greetings, she told me that our friend was not working tonight. And we both knew who our friend was. Would I say that I want to be there because of our friend? Of course not, but it would be nice to see our friend while I am there. From the schedule, the next time I'll meet him during my shift is thanksgiving night, Oct 10. Flod would be there at that time as well. I was all excited and hyper, until around 2030. I swear it was either Colin's attitude, or my insufficient caffine dosage.

Colin was nagging about leaving for a whole half an hour, saying that he was tired from work. I tried to cheer him up for 1.5 hour but not suscessful. Therefore, he finally took off under my escort. So lazy man.

That after coffee/colin dragged me down depression was enforced by me and flod talking about our friend. When I had a feeling that I wanted to tell her, that "i have a crush on....", I knew I was completely screwed. I probably shouldn't say it because this way my feelings leaks out which can turn into a total disaster. But I did tell her, since she thought it was her fault as well. Why? Why does it have to happen? So Flod told me something about him that completely turn her off. She said he is a very insecure person. She could feel that from the way he talks. He could be very nice and kind, but not confident, in a way. We probably have different prespective. I didn't feel the same way when he explained the difference between pronation and supination. Anyways, I shouldn't be spending too much time on this person, since I don't really know him. I only wish he is nice to patients, always generous, kind hearted. Of course it would be nice if he doest that to me too, but it's not necessary.