Mental retreat

After an emotional breakdown last weekend, I went to a mental retreat during the week. I had a chance to spend some time at the bookstore and read one of the most amazing book I have ever read. Since the religious section of the bookstore is kind of quiet so I can sit there all day. Reading one of Mother Teresa's books grants me a peaceful heart. They answered most of the questions I have had for a couple of weeks. They modified my way of thinking to make me a happier person. It's like Jesus is sending a message to me (or may be he is :D)

Mother Teresa taught me to pray, to give and to love. There are more, but the store was closing at that time.

One very important idea that brought to my mind was that, sometimes I get discouraged in love and charity because I don't feel like I am needed. Needless to say that I don't feel important most of the time. In fact, Mother Teresa taught us not to want to be needed. If we get discouraged when doing charity, it's a sign of pride. I don't like the word pride. Pride can only make people to see themselves and forget about what's important in the first place. I should really look in the mirror to see if I can find traces of pride in myself.

Knowing that it's so hard to do what's written in there for we are all mortals, I will try my best to work on them. First of all we need to pray more to call for help, to take away the pride I have. Then teach me to act and speak God's love. Do some sacrifice in giving and sharing.

A Vaccay for Silence

Only if we don't have to care about so much in life;
Only if air tickets are not that expansive;
Only if the application deadlines are not the end of this month;
I WILL DEFINITELY LEAVE FOR A VACATION.

It's been a while since the last time I have any physical contact with the nature. No matter it's the leaves dancing in response to the wind,
or the waves running back and forth along the seashore,
or the breeze gently touches my face carrying the scent of the ocean,
or the silence you hear, the calmness you feel, the reflection of yourself you see at the centre of a lake,
or the spots of light you see in the sky while fireflies and stars are indistinguishable.
It has been too too too long.

"It seems only the old are able to sit next to one another and not say anything and still feel content. The young, brash and impatient, must always break the silence. It is a waste, for silence is pure. Silence is holy. It draws people together because only those who are comfortable with each other can sit without speaking. This is the great paradox." Nicholas Sparks, the Notebook.

Silence can pull people apart. But acccording to Sparks, it can draw people together. I really do wish the latter, for making unnecessary conversation is not one of my favourites.

Silence can bring my thoughts together. By connecting the thoughts, one could come up with something really powerful. Small ideas could lead to very creative ones. Good memories could lead to smiles in heart. But sad memories bring tears and scars.

The most needed right now:
A vacation in the seek of silence as an insulation, isolating from streetlights, building, applications, papers, beeps, vehicles, ..., people.

Draw a house

Wanna see the house I created?

FULL HOUSE

Stressed

People told me that desserts is the reverse of stressed. Right, that's right. I tried my best to believe it. However, it's not quite the situation.

Stress could be caused by the past, present and the future. The failure in the past created the stress at the moment which leads the stress in planning the future. Stress could also be caused by the surrounding environment, like working environment or the loads of readings we need to catch up. It could also be stressful if we see a bluried windshield when we are trying to find out what is there down the road.

For now, the only difference between working and going to school is the nature of stress. We all know we are stressful in school. We know how many cups of coffee we need each day. We know how many pages of psychology textbook we have to go through this day. We know how many muscles we need to memorize for this lecture. We know how many more pages to write before we hand in this essay. We know what grade we need to achieve for this exam and we know how many hours of study we have to do.

At work, I lose track of the number of coffee I need. We don't have any textbook to read. We don't have muscles or blood vessels to memorize. We don't have due dates for essays. There is no exams and no study has to be done before a certain date. So where is the stress?

That's something I have never understood when I was in school. Even if I am working right now, there is still a big heavy piece of stone on top of my head. It came from nowhere. The only source of this stone can only come from the same old question (what am I gonna do for the rest of my life?) This is a really weird feeling that it seems like there is nothing I can do to take away this stone. It mainly because I can't find the origin of it. It's so terrifying due to the fact that it seems like it's gonna stay there forever.

Anyways, back to my life:
Crazy choir practice for the coming week. It feels like we are verbally interpreting the music score instead of singing, just like a whole bunch of zombie. Right, I am a zombie again, a brainless zombie.
Volleyball season just started last week and I played like crap. I am trying my best to get rid of my bad habits. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long to get back to my full power. Wait, have I ever reached my full strenght before? Probably not. For some reasons, I have less and less confident in the front court. Too worried about getting injured again? Too focus on my bad habits?
Or is my head visiting London, Rome and Madrid this week?

What a weekend

This is a crazy yet enjoyable weekend. For the longest time, I haven't been feeling the joy of meeting people.

Miguel came back from Madrid. He spent his Christmas and New Year over there, his home country. Colin and I met him for a drink on Friday night and shared our experience over the holidays. So there was this little tradition in Spain at new years eve. During the period when the bell swings 12 times to make 12 pounding sounds, people need to swollow 12 raisins in order to get a good year. Now people, you guys have a year to practise.

After the Meteor Garden, I am poisoned by another series, the Full House. Although this is a Korean series, it is still very touching. The more I watch it, the more I understand the meaning in between, the prettier is the love, the sadder I get. Well, only I know how to write a good movie report to discuss about everyone's characters. There is happiness that's speechless, but there are also pain at the bottom of their hearts.

There was a Chinese New Year special concert at the Skydome on Sunday. The only thing that surprised me was the touching moment of how Visa students miss home. At that instant second, I realized how long I have not gone home for chinese new year. I was crying uncontrollably when they started singing the song, A letter to my parents. "Papa, mama, how are you? Are you doing well back home? Are you busy at work lately? Toronto is good, and I am doing well. Please do not worry about me. I really want to come back for the new year as well, but I am occupied with the work in there. Remember to take care of yourself so I don't have to be worried. I know I am lazy that I don't write a lot, but I will send you emails. Take care"