Personal Retreat

Because I don't want ppl to ask me why I won't take the Eucharist. Because I don't want to sin more by taking the Eucharist. Because all the priests from St Basil's went to a priest retreat. I decided to go down to St Stephen's Chapel for my penance.

Taking the bus down to Bay and Queen from my apartment was the longest journey ever, like a murderer who was pleaded guilty, waiting to be executed.

But I kept telling myself, you're gonna be the most peaceful person after that ten minutes. C'mon, you can do this girl.

What if you sin is not forgiven? I was stressed for a moment. A cold breeze gave me a shiver, like an elevator going down to..... It was the most terrible feeling in the world.

There were some ppl distributing flyers at the entrance of the chapel. Therefore, I went into the chapel without looking back, avoiding the ads.

Nobody was at the office. A brother told me how to get someone to do confession, just pressed the bell then someone will come. I asked to clarify, but he was so kind, a little too kind. He came infront of the confession room and said, "So, you press the bell, wait in the room then someone will come." Then he pressed the bell for me and verbally kicked me in. I was like...omg.. what am I gonna do? Do I really wanna do this? What am I supposed to say? He left me no time to put myself together.

Only after that 10 minutes, you noticed all the stress you had before was unnecessary. Don't you dare so compare yourself with Jesus. Jesus will forgive you even if you don't think he will, as long as you know you're wrong and make an attempt to be good again. Although Father told me that my sins are forgiven, I still have a hard time believing that. I mean....it's me. I have done so much bad things, a person who is the furthest from perfect.

However, I met a very generous Father. He even talked to me after the confession. I am glad he made time for me, for some counselling may be. It's really nice that their chapel is opened for the whole day for confession and counselling.

On the very same day, I paid my first visit to the Cathedral of Toronto, St Michael's Cathedral. It's a very old parish which was built in the 19th century. When I entered the Cathedral, I could already feel the power out of it. It was so gigantic that I felt really diminutive in it. The cantor was AMAZING. There were status of some saints, and their relics. There were St Judes, St Anthony, St Therese of Lisieux and a statue with no name but I guess it's Padre Pio. I have been reading his biography lately. His special power and the stigmata amazed me the most. He said, "Do you think Lord just give them to me for decoration?" Right, he has a sense of humour as well.

Thank you Lord for granting me a more peaceful mind after the long stressful day.

Guardian Angels

For the very one night I left my necklace home, which was chained with Our Lady of Mount Carmel, I can't even think straight. The garmet wasn't there. I was this closer to have offended God.

Thanks to my Guardian Angels.

Angel of God, my Guardian dear,
To whom God's love commits me here,
Ever this day be at my side
To light and guard, to rule and guide.

Amen.

Europe!!

Have been wanting to visit Europe for my entire life, I am one step closer to making it real.

Europe, HERE I COME!!!

June 9th - Depart from Toronto to Paris
June 10th - Arriving at Paris
June 13th - Flying from Paris to Rome
June 19th - Flying from Rome to Madrid
June 23th - Taking the train to Lourdes (8 hours)
June 23th- Arriving at Lourdes at night
June 26th/27th - Departing Lourdes taking the train back to Paris
June 29th - Leaving Europe from Paris back to Toronto

I am almost too excited. Can't wait to see this and that...... Vatican City, Louvre, Our Lady of Lourdes, the markets in Madrid, all the cathedrals and Basilicas. I just can't stop the excitement in me. The only thing is, this is the first time I plan my own trip. If anything goes wrong, I will be under a lot of stress. Hopefully, this girl right here is mature enough to handle difficult situations.

Farewells, more2go

Going to a friend's farewell party led to an acknowledgement of another departure in a month.

The former friend is taking off to Lakehead University for 2 years. The farewell party was great. He enjoyed it and I am glad that he had a good time. He has always been a nice person. Chatty yet innocent. But he will get serious if he needs to. It was a pleasure to get to know him for the last two weeks since he has been giving me rides from the station to church whenever I needed. I wish him the best of luck in school.

The latter friend is departing at the end of June. The idea of moving back to Vancouver was not out of the blue. However, the desire of this change was marginally increased after his sister's wedding. Apparently, at least in my personal opinion, he has reached the stage of realizing the importance of families. He starts to enjoy being around with his family. His maturity has come to a phase that he will put family as one of his priorities. This can happen to people who has earned enough life experience. Because only after you have been through that much, you realize the importance of family. Only after you have been by yourself for so long, you are able to feel the kind of joy that could come from a family. Only after you have been through tough times, you know for sure that no matter what happen you will get the support from your family.

That's why I feel for him. And that's probably why I am one of the small group of people who do not tell him to stay.

Departure--hava safe one

Since I haven't had a chance to take care of my fishes for a while, I decided to give them a water change. Here comes the accident. A sudden change of the environment caused stress for them. I think I murdered them by changing too much water. Zero of my fishes survived. Bob, garbby, the neons and rummies needed to be flushed down the toilet. Even Bob can't survive, I understand how bad it was. I am sooooo sorry Bob. My beloved Bob....

All my loved ones have gone to Medjugorje to visit our blessed Mother. Thanks for taking my prayers to the Holy Mother, and say hi to Mother. Feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and find out what Mother want to tell you.