A Disastrous Friday

Last friday was a disaster. Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda......

Working 10 hours everyday wasn't fun at all. Therefore, whenever I get a half day off, I get super excited, especially it was a FRIDAY, which means I can join my friends for the old friday afternoon volleyball at the AC. Volleyball on friday...YAY

I waited for the whole half day to get there. Playing vball was good. I was having so much fun playing, and seeing some of the friends. I saw Eric as well. Tommy asked me if I wanted to go to watch the varsity game at 7pm. Since no one was going to give me a ride home if I went to sac, I decided to go. He said he was going as well. Everything looked fine until the moment Anne asked me if I wanted to grab a bite before going to the game. I chose to leave with Anne. That was the first mistake of the night.

Mims, Anne and two of their friends went to Subway for dinner. I tagged along. Second mistake of the night. They started to talk about something that I didn't understand. And they didn't really intend to talk to me at all. I was sitting, eating my 6 inch tuna sandwich, dehydrating cos I forgot I left my water bottle at the clinic.

After dinner, they went back to the gym and watched the game. I tagged along. Third mistake of the night.

I decided to sit beside them. Fourth mistake of the night. There was no conversation between me and them.

Blues won and I left right after the game, with no intention to stay at all, sobbing on my way to the subway station. That was probably the only right thing to do the entire night.

Why do I still put myself in this picture while my appearance has never fit in the environment?
Why do I still have expectations from them while they do this to me over and over and over and over again?
Why don't I learn from experience that my appearance means absolutely nothing to them, and the result is being upset by myself?
Why don't I learn to protect myself from being hurt by the same people over again?