Godfather prepares for my farewell

Haven't seen my friends from church for a while. Some of the them went to Medjugorje, some of the went to the Youth retreat. I went to T&W's wedding. It's nice to have everyone together again, before Marcus leaves.

Sunday, I finally gave my Godfather a confirmed decision about my departure. Surprisingly, he didn't say anything except introducing this song to me. He told me to sing this song in the farewell party.


WHEN THE DARK WOOD FELL BEFORE ME
AND ALL THE PATHS WERE OVERGROWN
WHEN THE PRIESTS OF RIDE SAY THERE IS NO OTHER WAY
I TILLED THE SORROWS OF STONE

I DID NOT BELIEVE BECAUSE I COULD NOT SEE
THOUGH YOU CAME TO ME IN THE NIGHT
WHEN THE DAWN SEEMED FOREVER LOST
YOU SHOWED ME YOUR LOVE IN THE LIGHT OF THE STARS

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN
CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA
WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS
PLEASE REMEMBER ME

THEN THE MOUNTAIN ROSE BEFORE
BY THE DEEP WELL OF DESIRE
FROM THE FOUNTAIN OF FORGIVENESS
BEYOND THE ICE AND THE FIRE

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN
CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA
WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS
PLEASE REMEMBER ME

THOUGH WE SHARE THIS HUMBEL PATH, ALONE
HOW FRAGILE IS THE HEART
OH GIVE THESE CLAY FEET WINGS TO FLY
TO TOUCH THE FACE OF THE START

BREATHE LIFE INTO THIS FEEBLE HEART
LIFT THIS MORTAL VEIL OF FEAR
TAKE THESE CRUMBLED HOPES, ETCHED WITH TEARS
WE'LL RISE ABOVE THESE EARTHLLY CARES

CAST YOUR EYES ON THE OCEAN
CAST YOUR SOUL TO THE SEA
WHEN THE DARK NIGHT SEEMS ENDLESS
PLEASE REMEMBER ME

Haven't seen him since the beginning of the month. I helped myself not to think too much, but asked our Lord to help him, and bless him. There was no conversation between us for the whole day. Is it good? Or bad? I don't know what to say anymore, or what to look forward to, since either way it's wrong.

Personal Retreat

Because I don't want ppl to ask me why I won't take the Eucharist. Because I don't want to sin more by taking the Eucharist. Because all the priests from St Basil's went to a priest retreat. I decided to go down to St Stephen's Chapel for my penance.

Taking the bus down to Bay and Queen from my apartment was the longest journey ever, like a murderer who was pleaded guilty, waiting to be executed.

But I kept telling myself, you're gonna be the most peaceful person after that ten minutes. C'mon, you can do this girl.

What if you sin is not forgiven? I was stressed for a moment. A cold breeze gave me a shiver, like an elevator going down to..... It was the most terrible feeling in the world.

There were some ppl distributing flyers at the entrance of the chapel. Therefore, I went into the chapel without looking back, avoiding the ads.

Nobody was at the office. A brother told me how to get someone to do confession, just pressed the bell then someone will come. I asked to clarify, but he was so kind, a little too kind. He came infront of the confession room and said, "So, you press the bell, wait in the room then someone will come." Then he pressed the bell for me and verbally kicked me in. I was like...omg.. what am I gonna do? Do I really wanna do this? What am I supposed to say? He left me no time to put myself together.

Only after that 10 minutes, you noticed all the stress you had before was unnecessary. Don't you dare so compare yourself with Jesus. Jesus will forgive you even if you don't think he will, as long as you know you're wrong and make an attempt to be good again. Although Father told me that my sins are forgiven, I still have a hard time believing that. I mean....it's me. I have done so much bad things, a person who is the furthest from perfect.

However, I met a very generous Father. He even talked to me after the confession. I am glad he made time for me, for some counselling may be. It's really nice that their chapel is opened for the whole day for confession and counselling.

On the very same day, I paid my first visit to the Cathedral of Toronto, St Michael's Cathedral. It's a very old parish which was built in the 19th century. When I entered the Cathedral, I could already feel the power out of it. It was so gigantic that I felt really diminutive in it. The cantor was AMAZING. There were status of some saints, and their relics. There were St Judes, St Anthony, St Therese of Lisieux and a statue with no name but I guess it's Padre Pio. I have been reading his biography lately. His special power and the stigmata amazed me the most. He said, "Do you think Lord just give them to me for decoration?" Right, he has a sense of humour as well.

Thank you Lord for granting me a more peaceful mind after the long stressful day.

Guardian Angels

For the very one night I left my necklace home, which was chained with Our Lady of Mount Carmel, I can't even think straight. The garmet wasn't there. I was this closer to have offended God.

Thanks to my Guardian Angels.

Angel of God, my Guardian dear,
To whom God's love commits me here,
Ever this day be at my side
To light and guard, to rule and guide.

Amen.

Europe!!

Have been wanting to visit Europe for my entire life, I am one step closer to making it real.

Europe, HERE I COME!!!

June 9th - Depart from Toronto to Paris
June 10th - Arriving at Paris
June 13th - Flying from Paris to Rome
June 19th - Flying from Rome to Madrid
June 23th - Taking the train to Lourdes (8 hours)
June 23th- Arriving at Lourdes at night
June 26th/27th - Departing Lourdes taking the train back to Paris
June 29th - Leaving Europe from Paris back to Toronto

I am almost too excited. Can't wait to see this and that...... Vatican City, Louvre, Our Lady of Lourdes, the markets in Madrid, all the cathedrals and Basilicas. I just can't stop the excitement in me. The only thing is, this is the first time I plan my own trip. If anything goes wrong, I will be under a lot of stress. Hopefully, this girl right here is mature enough to handle difficult situations.

Farewells, more2go

Going to a friend's farewell party led to an acknowledgement of another departure in a month.

The former friend is taking off to Lakehead University for 2 years. The farewell party was great. He enjoyed it and I am glad that he had a good time. He has always been a nice person. Chatty yet innocent. But he will get serious if he needs to. It was a pleasure to get to know him for the last two weeks since he has been giving me rides from the station to church whenever I needed. I wish him the best of luck in school.

The latter friend is departing at the end of June. The idea of moving back to Vancouver was not out of the blue. However, the desire of this change was marginally increased after his sister's wedding. Apparently, at least in my personal opinion, he has reached the stage of realizing the importance of families. He starts to enjoy being around with his family. His maturity has come to a phase that he will put family as one of his priorities. This can happen to people who has earned enough life experience. Because only after you have been through that much, you realize the importance of family. Only after you have been by yourself for so long, you are able to feel the kind of joy that could come from a family. Only after you have been through tough times, you know for sure that no matter what happen you will get the support from your family.

That's why I feel for him. And that's probably why I am one of the small group of people who do not tell him to stay.

Departure--hava safe one

Since I haven't had a chance to take care of my fishes for a while, I decided to give them a water change. Here comes the accident. A sudden change of the environment caused stress for them. I think I murdered them by changing too much water. Zero of my fishes survived. Bob, garbby, the neons and rummies needed to be flushed down the toilet. Even Bob can't survive, I understand how bad it was. I am sooooo sorry Bob. My beloved Bob....

All my loved ones have gone to Medjugorje to visit our blessed Mother. Thanks for taking my prayers to the Holy Mother, and say hi to Mother. Feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and find out what Mother want to tell you.

St Justin's Invitation Vball Tourny

Last saturday, me and my sis led the youth from St Agnes Church, a.k.a Yosac to participate in St Justin's vball tourny.

I have never thought that I could have that much fun with them since they didn't seem they knew each other at all during practices. However, on the actual day of the tourny, they all arrived on time. They started to joke around among themselves. They played together. They worked as a team. They helped out with each other. They were the best!!! And they still are. Although they were kinda upset after we lost the last game, I assumed they had so much fun together. Like...they don't blame each other for their mistakes.

They are so cute. I can completely understand why our beloved Pope JPII love young ppl so much, because I can feel it myself. Not that I am not one of the young ppl, just a little older. They have a kind of energy carried in them. If they can gather this kind of energy together and use it appropriately, it could be a powerful tool to make a difference in the world.

Anyways.... had a reely good time... and hopefully there is more to cum.....

Welcoming Summer!!

SUMMER is HERE!!!

To-do list:

Play lots of Volleyball

Learn Latin in Scientific terminology --- PUSH PUSH

Find a place for Sis, and move with her

Lots of packing ... ... to HK

Volunteer work till the end of July

Travel??? no $$ but still wanna go - Rome, Costa Rica, Newfoundland?, Madrid?

Retreat? I think there's one in July....

Going to the Beach... beach vball??!!

and most importantly,

HAVE LOTS OF FUN

Niceeeee

Oh right, volunteer night.... I totally forgot about the time I talked to Bev. We have talked about the story about my crash before. At that time she totally encouraged me.Monday night, I told her about what happened and my decision. It seemed like she wasn't very happy about my decision. She told me to talk to him but there's no way it's gonna happen. (Given that the content she told me to talk about was totally inappropriate) Then she realized that this crash is not gonna go anywhere. Ending it was her decision as well.Then I said, "Isn't it nice?" It's not nice, it's sad she stressed.

No, it's nice. Because I wanted something, but God say NO. Isn't it amazing that I got a direct message from Him? The Holy Spirit come to me. It could never be clearer than that. I really appreciated with the communication part, but not the outcome of the whole thing. Well, I do care the outcome. But if that's not the result I wanted, this one can only be better than the one I desired.

Let's get a feeling of the Holy Spirit......

Reeeeeally Good friends

It's Monday night, volunteering night. It was a shock to hear that Colin's gonna leave by the end of June. Then I thought, Colin, Miguel and I are gonna be at 3 different countries by September. And when's the next time we're gonna meet again?

They are really nice people, a soon to be MD Newfy and a Spanish PhD, befriend with a chink, what a weird combination. But it worked out just fine. Colin has always been there whenever I have "stories" for him. He encourages me every single time when I feel down. He made me feel competent enough about my future career. He's the best. He's such a good listener, a good friend, a friend who shares my worries all the time. Miguel is so funny all the time. He loves the Korean restaurant I took him to. He invited me to visit Madrid. I appreciate with his hospitality. It's just so much fun to hang out with these guys.

Colin's gonna be at Newfoundland to continue with his study, possibly MD. Miguel got accepted to a research program in New York City. And I'm probably gonna move to Hong Kong. I really cherish this friendship with them. It will be nice if we could meet up for Hockey Night in Canada again!!! oh, and a slice of "Phantom" from Future.