Personal Retreat

Because I don't want ppl to ask me why I won't take the Eucharist. Because I don't want to sin more by taking the Eucharist. Because all the priests from St Basil's went to a priest retreat. I decided to go down to St Stephen's Chapel for my penance.

Taking the bus down to Bay and Queen from my apartment was the longest journey ever, like a murderer who was pleaded guilty, waiting to be executed.

But I kept telling myself, you're gonna be the most peaceful person after that ten minutes. C'mon, you can do this girl.

What if you sin is not forgiven? I was stressed for a moment. A cold breeze gave me a shiver, like an elevator going down to..... It was the most terrible feeling in the world.

There were some ppl distributing flyers at the entrance of the chapel. Therefore, I went into the chapel without looking back, avoiding the ads.

Nobody was at the office. A brother told me how to get someone to do confession, just pressed the bell then someone will come. I asked to clarify, but he was so kind, a little too kind. He came infront of the confession room and said, "So, you press the bell, wait in the room then someone will come." Then he pressed the bell for me and verbally kicked me in. I was like...omg.. what am I gonna do? Do I really wanna do this? What am I supposed to say? He left me no time to put myself together.

Only after that 10 minutes, you noticed all the stress you had before was unnecessary. Don't you dare so compare yourself with Jesus. Jesus will forgive you even if you don't think he will, as long as you know you're wrong and make an attempt to be good again. Although Father told me that my sins are forgiven, I still have a hard time believing that. I mean....it's me. I have done so much bad things, a person who is the furthest from perfect.

However, I met a very generous Father. He even talked to me after the confession. I am glad he made time for me, for some counselling may be. It's really nice that their chapel is opened for the whole day for confession and counselling.

On the very same day, I paid my first visit to the Cathedral of Toronto, St Michael's Cathedral. It's a very old parish which was built in the 19th century. When I entered the Cathedral, I could already feel the power out of it. It was so gigantic that I felt really diminutive in it. The cantor was AMAZING. There were status of some saints, and their relics. There were St Judes, St Anthony, St Therese of Lisieux and a statue with no name but I guess it's Padre Pio. I have been reading his biography lately. His special power and the stigmata amazed me the most. He said, "Do you think Lord just give them to me for decoration?" Right, he has a sense of humour as well.

Thank you Lord for granting me a more peaceful mind after the long stressful day.