Our Deal

YOU love me soo much....

I can see the deal between us...... it's working, and I can see Your answer.

Thank YOU LORD

A million thanks

A song written by my Godfather for me to dedicate to all of you:

I never forget the day I join you

I never have a day so happy

I never forget the friendly hands to hold me

I can't forget the love you share

A million thanks to all of you

who brought me the love and the care

Tomorrow I say goodbye to all

Sure will have a tear to shed

Dear Sisters will you be happy for I bring to you only trouble

Dear Brothers I will never be naughty again, but I wish I still a kid as well

A million thanks to all of you

who straight the path I'll be stepped

Memorize each day and places

Nothing is better than that

If the time can flow back for ten years more

I can do better than before

Now let me start on tomorrow

Brings the joy to my door

Farewell from YOSAC

What a memorable night
THANK YOU soooo much
YOU guys are the BEST
LOVE YA

Just...some sad memories

WHY?? do i have to meet him again....

It's not like there's anything between us anymore....

However, seeing him reminded me of my emotional stage at that period.

How my self esteem reached the lowest point ever in my life
How my tears dropped everyday for an unknown reason
How I found out I actually needed to go through difficult times by myself
How stress from school dominated for the most part of my life
How I thought worries would go away after a good night sleep

It all came back. It made me wanna cry, again.
God what do you want me to do with him, before I leave this place?

It does not matter

Man is unreasonable, illogical, selfish

It does not matter, love him!

The good you do will be forgotten

It does not matter, do good!

Honesty and sincerity make you vulnerable

It does not matter, be frank and honest!

What has taken you years to build, can be destroyed in an instant

It does not matter, build!

Give the world your best, and they will kick you for it

It does not matter, give your best!

-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Lesson learned: forgive is divine. when ppl treat u like dirt, love them 10 times more than normal. when ppl don't care about u, care them more than you could ever expect. Do not count on the return but to love unconditionally.

Gets on my nerve

...... when I finally realize that I am probably not going to see these ppl again......

......My heart aches ......

Praise the Lord for His creation

Blue sky with white clouds scattered on the horizon

Waves splashing at the shore is the most wonderful sound you could hear

Praise the Lord

Goose and ducks enjoy the life of freedom

Sea eagles spread their wings without boundaries

Praise the Lord

Couples share their beautiful moments on the rocks, at the beach

Innocent laughters bring extra joy to this peaceful place

Praise the Lord

Feast day of Santa Chiara

As Shirley's email gathered us at the beach today, I decided to join the crowd for my last day of beach volleyball of the week. Since I was staying at Auntie Teresa's house, it took me 1.5 hours to go downtown. And I decided to go to St Stephen's Chapel for this very special day, the feast day of Santa Chiara.

Although I was late, I heard the most important part of the sermon.

"Let us ask St Clare to take away our anxiety, depression, anger and impurities from us. So that we get closer to God."

Those four things are totally in me lately.

The memories of Assisi came back instantly, that Santa Chiara was with me always. Everything that I read about her was similar to what I was taught. Her spirit towards God, her life, her calling, her faith, make me want to follow her.

Countdown for my goodbye

Alen K is an idiot. I just received an email from him, that he said he won't be in Toronto until after August 20th. All of a sudden, this kid-hater wants to be a phy-ed teacher. I am actually worried about the kids in the future generation. You never know what this teacher is going to do with them. Alen: Get your ass here in Toronto so I can kick it. hohohohoho

As my departure day slowly approaches, people ask me if I am going to miss Toronto. I would say yes and no. It's a love hate relationship. The most difficult part, as I have mentioned before, would probably be the parent part, the freedom and responsibilities at home. At some point, some moments, I want to leave here as soon as possible, not only because I don't have a sense of belonging, but also the lack of self being. A friend asked me what's wrong with Toronto. I guess there's nothing wrong with the city except it's too multicultural that it lacks it's own culture. There were too much I have been through here, alone. I can't wait to get back to the protection I used to have which I did not cherish. People would say there are friends who walk through the whole path with you. There ain't no friends baby. Friends are too busy with their own lives, too busy having fun themselves. There is no room for me; will fit me in when there is nothing else to do, otherwise, I come from another planet.

At least there is one place I feel safe and important. In His eyes, I am precious, useful, versatile, lovable. As He said, "Because you are precious in my sight, and honoured, and I love you."

Moonrise

It was nice to be at the beach again. I think I am slowly improving my game. It's all in my head. It depends on if I want to throw a good game or not. If I want to, I think more, and find the spot. If not, I hit whatever, wherever, and the ball most likely goes into the net. The net today was ridiculously high. I got freaked out from the height of the net, cos there was no way I can hit it over. Just hopefully, it looks easier when we play on a lower net.

Anyways, the volleyball part was not the highlight of the day. It was the moonrise that amazed me the most. In the game, I looked towards the lake, the calm lake ontario. The sky was in different colours. From the blue sky, it kinda blended into turquoise,green, yellow green, yellow, orange, red, violet, then another layer of blue just on the surface of the lake. It was the prettiest thing I have seen these days. My tongue envy my eyes, since no word can explain this wonderous scene.

I stared at this scene for a while, then I saw a white semicircle on the surface of the lake. "Hey Ron, look at that, it's the moon, it's rising!!" "No, it's the sun." "No, what direction is this?" "It's probably East. Does the sun comes up from the East?" "Yes, the sun leaves from the west, the moon comes up from the East! Otherwise they crush!"

So, it was the moonrise. It got bigger every minute. By the time we got to the car, we already saw a full moon in peach colour.

God, you're awesome!!!

HE wipe my tears

My eyes were sore from crying last night. I have not been this sad for such a long long time. Waking up with this pair of swollen, heavy eyes, I went to church, to Jesus' house, to talk to Him.

He was the first person I saw at church today. Fortunately he did not walk away when he saw me. He talked to me, concerning about my future and departure. Accidentally, I slipped out the fact that I was upset. I had no idea why I said that. I shouldn't have said anything about what happened last night because this was something I should really keep it to myself. But anyways, tried to crack the code. I said I didn't know what and how to say, give me sometime to organize. Then I just left him and when into the church. Although I wasn't honest with him, it's kinda nice to know he actually shows a little bit of concern. Thanks so much.

The homily was awesome. The whole mass got me emtional again. Jesus once again told me that "You are not alone girl. I am always with you." Father stressed the fact that the phrase "The Lord be with you" appeared at least 5 times in the mass. Then there was also "The PEACE of the Lord be with you". For me, there was tears, tears and more tears. But today, He came down Himself to wipe my tears, so in Him, I received His peace. In His miraculous appearance, my broken heart was cured. His accompany took away my sorrows. Speechless but prayers of thanksgiving.

There was a WYD gathering in the afternoon. In groups, Father requested us to picture the image of Jesus. Try to think about the way He looks with the breathing technique. People from my group mostly saw light, white cloak, glow, image of the sacred heart of Jesus, or Jesus of the divine mercy. I was the only person who saw Jesus carrying a cross. In my mind, Jesus was dragging the cross on the way to be cruxified, the way of the cross. Obviously, while everybody saw the ressurected Jesus, I saw the suffering Jesus, who was soon to be put to death. It may just imply that everyone else live in Jesus Christ already. But I am just still glad with the joy of salvation. (which may also imply the state of my mind, desperate to be rescued)

Tears again, why?

Since when I came back to this stage of wanting to leave so desperately?

I don't like to be abandoned. But I must have done something to deserve this. Or am I just that unimportant? Like Amos in Chicago. I feel like an orphan. People will spare me some time but not often.

All these fake faces, so SICK and TIRED of it!!

I don't need you to spare!

I just want to go home.