Dream about Justin

A dream about Justin was hitting me last night. It was kinda weird cos that involved me talking tohim about my personal feelings. I don't remember when was the last time I talked to him about that since the break up with Eric.

Justin is my God brother, elder brother of course. Otherwise, I won't buy him that much. The dream last night was probably due to the comment made by aunties last night, talking about his obedience, his behaviour for being a good son. So, what was the dream about?

It was about us, meeting in a restaurant. I looked extremely frustrated and here he came to listen to my worries. Justin is a very good singer at our church so he has tons of fans. I bet every girl likes him. Then I asked him, "Every girl at church is crazy about you, but I am not, really. Do I have any problem? Am I abnormal? What's the problem with me?" Justin gave me the most innocent look in the world, implying 'i don't know' which was confirmed by his first sentence made afterwards. It came to a dead moment between us. I can't precisely recall the rest of the dream but I remember myself talking about my problems, whatever they are. Justin is a very good listener and I am probably themost troublesome girl he knows, hopefully only in the dream.

The biggest liar on earth

People said pisces are the biggest liar on earth, which I totally agree. It fits perfectly well with my own personal theory. If a little lie can make everybody feels better, less guilty, and diminishes chaos, why not? It would be so perfect and for sure everything looks absolutely fine. Everybody's happy. However, a person can only lie so much that his/her own feelins leaks out, at least once in while. Right, the biggest liar on earth (who only intends to lie to make this world a better place) neglects his/her own feelings. And also, he/she forgets that there are nice people on earth who treat them as a human being, concerning what is going on in his/her mind. When these nice people find out he/she looks all his/her most depressing thoughts or sadness in a vacuum to, claim to make this world a happier, less chaotic place, it breaks their hearts.

I know I know.... that's what will happen. The biggest liar lies too much that he/she tragically forgets their way to reveal themselves. He/she forgets how, to express his/her deepest feelings to others anymore. He/she wants to, but one can't.

Isn't that sad?

Deja vu

The best way to remember everything that I thought of, is to WRITE THEM DOWN. I read when I have spare time these days. However, I didn't pick up the attractive Harry Potter today, but a pen and a paper, writing whatever I thought if. I can't believe I wrote that much. It was almost two pages before the day ended.

I hang out with a friend who is about to move to the States. And then I found out......well...ya. So anyways, I can so correlate this friends with my ex, my ex ex to be precise. I wouldn't say they have bad habits, hm..but annoying. His attitude is too much like him, trying to pretend that they are cool. Phrase like "who cares?" sounds almost too familiar. Trying to be a gentleman which was intentionally done to make me notice. Trying to express the annoying feeling towards his ex. Physically, like hanging his right arm on the top part of the car door when sitting on the passengers' side, tapping his finger(s) on the table, scratching this head in public, touching (may be I should say rubbing..eww)his feet when someone's around, resting I-II phalanges on the chin talking like an expert, saying "you was". Some of these are normal, but this combination, too too too familiar. The way they talk is basically identical.

Riding the rocket on my way to work, I was thinking about the patient from yesterday. A little judgemental on my side, may be. First of all, who am I to judge if a patient can afford the treatment. Then, who am I to judge if the patient really needs the treatment or not. Most importantly, who am I to judge if it's worth it for the patient to pay that amount of money for a treatment which the necessity of the treatment is waited to be determined? But I am sympathetic. What if everything doesn't work out well? Then this patient will end up spending a big portion of his/her income towards ---- nothing.

Today's horoscope from metro:
Take someone off a pedestal now. A man makes a fuss over a happy female. Your self-esteem is about to get a boost.

The last comment is very true. Since the doctor told me she received a lot of good comments about me from the patients. I bet she is happy. Then really boosted up my self-esteem, a lot.

Just a thought

Pisces, the most loving horoscope. Love seems to be the most important thing in her life. However, through experiences, she understands the world isn't that easy to embrace, isn't that easy to love everyone, but it's easy to be heart broken.

However, she continues to love like there is no tomorrow.
Even though people ruin the trust,
Even though people break their promises,
Even though she is heart broken,
Even though people hurt her feelings,
Even though she feels sour whenever she listens to certain songs,
Even though she gets depressed sometimes when memories hit her,
Even though no one cares about the love she is giving,
Even though she doesn't understand why people won't cherish Love,
Even though she is not asking for any return,

She keeps trying her best to Love.

What if the obstacles really hit her hard one day? God take away the most precious thing of hers. She forgets how to love, and beloved, because she doesn't believe in love anymore.

Song "2004"

Play it slow lay it low
You lead and then I'll follow
Ooh heaven I don't know
Where art thou my romeo
Sing it slowSing it so we can be infatual
Doesn't matter where we go
It's unconditiional

＊Will you still be here tomorrow　
Catching morning rays in tohoe　
Will I see you there tomorrow　
Baby can't you see the love in me　

In 2004　Will you be loving me more　
Through all that stormy weather　
Say forever　For you I'll do for sure　
Will you open your door　
Will you come catch me when I fall　
At the end I hope together　
We can soar in year 2004

It's all memories. I become so emotional when I hear these songs. The wind blew through my window. I was laying on my bed, listening to this song, chatting to the person I liked, feeling sweet and sour at the same time. Looking forward to the summer, since nobody has any idea what was going to happen. Yes, although it's already fall, I get the same feeling when listening to this song.