Draw a house

Wanna see the house I created?

FULL HOUSE

Stressed

People told me that desserts is the reverse of stressed. Right, that's right. I tried my best to believe it. However, it's not quite the situation.

Stress could be caused by the past, present and the future. The failure in the past created the stress at the moment which leads the stress in planning the future. Stress could also be caused by the surrounding environment, like working environment or the loads of readings we need to catch up. It could also be stressful if we see a bluried windshield when we are trying to find out what is there down the road.

For now, the only difference between working and going to school is the nature of stress. We all know we are stressful in school. We know how many cups of coffee we need each day. We know how many pages of psychology textbook we have to go through this day. We know how many muscles we need to memorize for this lecture. We know how many more pages to write before we hand in this essay. We know what grade we need to achieve for this exam and we know how many hours of study we have to do.

At work, I lose track of the number of coffee I need. We don't have any textbook to read. We don't have muscles or blood vessels to memorize. We don't have due dates for essays. There is no exams and no study has to be done before a certain date. So where is the stress?

That's something I have never understood when I was in school. Even if I am working right now, there is still a big heavy piece of stone on top of my head. It came from nowhere. The only source of this stone can only come from the same old question (what am I gonna do for the rest of my life?) This is a really weird feeling that it seems like there is nothing I can do to take away this stone. It mainly because I can't find the origin of it. It's so terrifying due to the fact that it seems like it's gonna stay there forever.

Anyways, back to my life:
Crazy choir practice for the coming week. It feels like we are verbally interpreting the music score instead of singing, just like a whole bunch of zombie. Right, I am a zombie again, a brainless zombie.
Volleyball season just started last week and I played like crap. I am trying my best to get rid of my bad habits. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long to get back to my full power. Wait, have I ever reached my full strenght before? Probably not. For some reasons, I have less and less confident in the front court. Too worried about getting injured again? Too focus on my bad habits?
Or is my head visiting London, Rome and Madrid this week?

What a weekend

This is a crazy yet enjoyable weekend. For the longest time, I haven't been feeling the joy of meeting people.

Miguel came back from Madrid. He spent his Christmas and New Year over there, his home country. Colin and I met him for a drink on Friday night and shared our experience over the holidays. So there was this little tradition in Spain at new years eve. During the period when the bell swings 12 times to make 12 pounding sounds, people need to swollow 12 raisins in order to get a good year. Now people, you guys have a year to practise.

After the Meteor Garden, I am poisoned by another series, the Full House. Although this is a Korean series, it is still very touching. The more I watch it, the more I understand the meaning in between, the prettier is the love, the sadder I get. Well, only I know how to write a good movie report to discuss about everyone's characters. There is happiness that's speechless, but there are also pain at the bottom of their hearts.

There was a Chinese New Year special concert at the Skydome on Sunday. The only thing that surprised me was the touching moment of how Visa students miss home. At that instant second, I realized how long I have not gone home for chinese new year. I was crying uncontrollably when they started singing the song, A letter to my parents. "Papa, mama, how are you? Are you doing well back home? Are you busy at work lately? Toronto is good, and I am doing well. Please do not worry about me. I really want to come back for the new year as well, but I am occupied with the work in there. Remember to take care of yourself so I don't have to be worried. I know I am lazy that I don't write a lot, but I will send you emails. Take care"

Family

It's this time of the year again. Time to think about what I am going to do for the rest of my life. I try not to be too stressful for all the applications I made. However, it's quite impossible to deal with it in a sit-back relaxed mode.

Camie, my cousin, chatted with me last time I was on msn. I was surprised to hear that big auntie was in the hospital. She had an operation done WITHOUT telling anybody. I mean although it's not a big surgery, half of her lung was removed. I guess she has the responsibility to tell her family. Camie told me about it and immediately I told her to inform my dad, since my dad is auntie's big brother. So my dad's going to visit her tomorrow probably. Thinking about the issue of "not telling your family what's going on with you", I can so relate it to myself. I guess I am that kind of person. I tend not to share my worries with my parents. Then when they find out the issue, they are mad at me. But now I realize what I told Camie the other night. Your family is always there to support you no matter what happen. Don't ever say that you don't want to bother them with little issues. Share your worries with them because they will only suggest what's the best for you.

Going into the shower, thoughts eventually got a little deeper. When it comes to giving and receiving, I have been thinking that everybody owes me the whole world. I have been complaining 'bout how come people don't really care about me, like if I am there, or check if i am doing fine when I am upset, or to see if I am getting better when I am sick, or if they want to help out in my decision when i am frustrated, etc. Although I always say that God give me this present of giving, I may not have it indeed. I tend to help a lot of anonymous people, people that I don't expect to receive anything back when I give the care. For my friends, people who have names in my life, I may not give the same level of care. Therefore, I should never be complaining how other people treat me, how others don't even notice I am there, etc. But here comes the important role of family. I admit, that I take them for granted. They care about me no matter how shitty I treat them. And more substantially, they still don't expect anything back from me (well besides my mom). I guess that's the difference between friends and family.

I should surely know that although I may be a loner in the society, my family is always there to back me up.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!!! Don't worry, be happy. "Hakuna Matata"

There was a YOSAC new years party on the 31st. Unfortunately I didn't manage to participate due to some technical problem. When I looked at the pictures they took in the party, I was kinda glad that I wasn't there. Just because I can so picture myself being uncomfortable in that kind of environment. I would rather stay at Auntie's place. Therefore, I spent a very quiet, peaceful and joyful new year.

I found out that I am more uncomfortable in joining social events like this than before. In the past, I didn't want to go b/c I didn't know anybody. Now, I don't want to go b/c I don't want to talk to nobody. I know there are friends out there who really cares about me. However, my heart is still so cold so dark, still frowning.

Favourite phase of the week: Hey, I am a loner.

Two weeks of holiday flied like a blink. And here I am, turning myself into an ordinary couch potato. With the arrival of the new DVD player, we (me and sis) successfully finished 3 TV series in just a couple of days. Going to bed at 5 in the morning and waking up at 2pm is so much fun. Unfortunately, this kind of life ended by the first day of work in 2006.

We watched Japanese "Son in Law, Your Highness", Korean "Full House" (highly recommended), Chinese "Healing hands". And now, we are watching something called 'conflicts in the forbidden city'.