the end of october

I can't believe I have only contributed that little in the month of October. Obviously, there hasn't been anything special happened in my life. Our kitten, nana a.k.a meow-mi, arrived our home, became part of our family. She has really nice blue eyes. This energetic kitten brings me a lot of laughters lately. I am happy to have her.

There is an arrival of new life. There is also couple departures. Jerry and Terry, with 2 other neons passed away the other day. Jerry and Terry are the two funniest fish I kept. Unfortunately, they were also the most fragile of all. They had aches all over their bodies. I tried my best to rescue them, but failed. Ever since nomis named them in April, I am more attached to them than ever.

It was nomis' birthday on sunday. I was so tempted to call him, to say happy b-day, to see how he's doing, to tell him Terry's gone. Well, I didn't have the courage to do that and I kept tellinf myself no to do that. I can't take it if he tries to kick me out of his life a second time.

It's eric's birthday on Friday. I think I should call him since he called me on my birthday. But honestly, I don't want to. We saw each other on msn a lot, but nobody initiated conversation. It's been...don't remember how long, we haven't talked. It's sour and bitter, that I recalled the party time that we had with his friends. And now, I am totally out of the picture. I mean, I really don't want to take any step into his life anymore. I don't want to know how much fun he has, and how happy he is. I just don't think I ever wanna talk to him anymore. Walking on the street, I am always afraid I would see him with another girl. I don't know how I will react. I won't cry, but rather stab a knife into my heart to avoid that kind of bitterness.