Vocation

Has anybody listen to Jesus? Has anybody learn about their vocation through the voice of Jesus Christ?

Fearful, worried and lost would be the right word to describe the way I feel about life these two days. How much am I willing to give up if Jesus ask me to sacrifice my life. I pray so hard to be Lord's tool. But I have never expected to do nothing but helping people on a daily basis. Am I really willing? To give but never want to receive; to give my life to the patients without having a personal relationship; to take care of people but not to be taken care of. Since when Lord think i have that kind of strength to do that? "Spend your life to serve my people. It's tough. But life is short. Hang in there, 50 years will pass like a blink."

Everybody was encouraging me to be a nurse. To be a nurse, I need to give up a lot. After 4 years of school, I will have to start working 12 hour shifts. I will have no life at all. That's why I always hesitate if I should get into nursing school or not. Plus, with my situation, I really doubt that my body can handle that kind of stress, no only mentally, but also physically. Physical stress could lead to severe damage to my body. In other words, my life will be short.

To sacrifice my life...... I remember before we receive the communion, Father will say, 'Before he was taken to death, the death he fully accepted...' Then I remember the agony in the garden. "Abba, Father, all things are possible to you; remove this cup from me. Yet not my will but yours be done."

Jesus was human, and so am I. If he can do it, why can't I?

But I am scared. He is asking a girl who longs to be loved to stop wanting to belove. Instead, she gives continuously without asking for return. Wow, Lord want me to be a "wei dai" person. This is too much to give up, too hard to do, and too far to reach.

How can I survive? I mean, HOW? It will be great if I can do this. But having the desire of love to be totally vanished, HOW?