Canada Day Weekend

Canada day weekend was grrreat. The weather was nice enough to carry out the tourny, although it was a little too windy. At one point, we were just playing against the wind, didn't feel like we were playing vball at all. I had fun overall. The Connex A games was just crap. But we played an amazing game vs MTL free masons. They were a very good team but we played up to their level. It felt sooo good although we lost. We did good defense, asuka was executing while I blocked the heck out of them LOL Hey I got really nice tanning here. God, I look so nice right now....just wait for a couple more days....my skin is gonna peel....eww..

When excitement was over, I had to come back to life and studied for the exam. I was so nervous cos I spent almost the whole weekend having fun. Justin was supposed to meet me on sunday. He didn't show up. But he told me that he was going to meet Brian and Nathaniel at the lab on monday morning. I went there on Monday morning, only Brian was there. We met, talked a little, talked about the arches of the foot, plantar ligaments...... Until Nathaniel came, I studied the head neck region. The best part was the group study with Andrea and Nathaniel. I learned so much from them cos they made their own notes...not like me...studying without organizing it. Thanks Andrea and Nathaniel, and Brian of course. What the heck is the problem with Justin??? I was talking to Richie today. Richie said some people are weird like that. He told me to confront him, like "do you have a problem with me or what?" We'll see. If it comes to a point when I feel I can't take it anymore, I may do that. Just hopefully I wouldn't yell lol.

The test today was okay. I was a little nervous though. I was jumping and stretching around as usual. Everybody looked so intense, so my behavious looked pretty weird. Anyways, MC was a little tricky, as usual. The practical was okay, damn..got the nasal palate wrong.

What's wrong with people these days?

I don't know if it's my problem or what? People are weird as hell lately. They all looked stressed and pissed off.

First of all, Colin didn't show up for volunteer last night. I was left alone to deal with the weirdos. A family member of a chinese patient came up to me and complaint about her life. She said living with her mom was so difficult, plus her mom didn't speak english. She lived an hour away from the hospital so it was hectic for her to travel. I mean I understand what she was trying to express but saying it three times made it really annoying. I didn't say anything besides "elderlies are like that in general" which I think it's true. You just have to be more patient with them. And she complaint about the family doctors didn't listen to their hearts underneath the shirt, comparing to the doctors in HK, the doctors in HK were better. Sounds EXACTLY like my mom. Again I didn't say anything. Then she's like you have so much patience, you're gonna be a good nurse. WEird.

Then when I was talking to a visitor, a doctor rushed out and said "i need your help, do you want to come and help me? you are doing something more than dealing with patients." I was like...okay, I followed him. He actually wanted me to stock up the equipments at fast track area. He went up the the charge nurse and said she was gonna help me out. So, the charge nurse didn't agree but the doctor wanted me to do. I knew this wasn't my job but if there wasn't anybody doing it, I don't mind to stock up the gloves and stuff. Plus, it wasn't that busy out in the waiting area. I ended up getting trapped in the conflict between the doctor and the charge nurse. Omg.... I don't know what I am supposed to do. I think the doctor has a point. If everyone was so busy and I wasn't doing anything, why wouldn't the nurse let me help out a little? But that will violate the boundary of the PCA's job.

Another weird thing. What the heck happens with Justin, my classmate? He just completely stopped talking to me. We were in the same lab. I was trying to study with him. Then all of a sudden, he's like ignoring me. I didn't do anything to him. All we did together was lunch. Can anybody explain to me what happen? What? New rules on earth? Friendship can only last one month for me? Then we can't talk to each other no more?

More weird things.... Auntie joe... don't even want to talk about it. It's too weird and too sad. I wish someone could tell me what I have done wrong. Ya I have met some new friends lately, see how they are going to ignore me again in a month!

The End of Days

I went to Auntie Teresa's place and watched the End of Days on TV. Although the story was not true in life, it was excited until Satan actually turned into a scary monster. I really didn't like that part because Satan is evil in heart. The audience should be able to feel the darkness instead of visualizing it. All in all, I don't think Satan is a scary monster. It may just look like any of us, with an evil heart, like that actor. Satan does everything to separate us from God. And sometimes, we are really mentally weak enough to believe him. That tells the reason why this world is so dominated by this power of darkness. I am frightened sometimes because I am only human. I lost hope because it seems like there isn't anything I could do to change that. But the priest in the movie told us to have faith. Only when we have faith, we can beat the power of evil, the power of darkness.

Yes, I am weak. I know what's wrong but I still want it. I hate the fact that I am not going to see him online anymore, never. I hate it. We completely evapourated from each other's life, but can you also vanish from my mind?

Decisions Decisions Decisions

I haven't been writing lately simply because I am dead lazy. Also, I really should stop complaining and get real.

How to get real? My parents called me the other day if I wanted to go to Australia for further studies. I actually did some research by myself but Australia wasn't my priority. However, now that they talked about it and said that they had some friends over who can help me in enrolling the programs there, I thought more about it. I mean that could happen if things work out. So, now I really have to think of what I want to do for the rest of my life. It's not a decision that could be made in a couple of days. That involves a lot of research and experience with professionals. I want to be a RMT, nurse or physiotherapist.

I went to a RMT school today and the program really attracted me. That person made me to feel that I was a very good candidate for their school because of the degree I earned and working experience. However, nursing school is really something that I want to do for the rest of my life. RMT earn me a decent salary, nursing earn me a life time job. Now how about physio? It's kinda in the middle of the previous two. I could earn a decent salary, job security and I don't have to work shifts like nurses do. The only thing is I know i like the job nature of nursing but still not sure about what I am supposed to do as a physio besides teaching ppl to do exercise in order to get full recovery and increase range of motion after the lack of movement because of injuries.

Decisions Decisions Decisions

Being a daughter

So my parents are gone. Everything goes back to normal. It was father's day on sunday, so I got some little gifts for my uncle Herbert and uncle Roger. Both of them are happy and I am glad that they are happy. I received an email from Uncle Roger on monday. He said thank you and it's his honour and pleasure to have me as his daughter, and the bottom says 'love dad'. I almost cried. Although it's just a simple sentence, it's so touching. I am pretty sure Uncle Herbert feels the same but he just doesn't say it. But wow, I have never read a letter or an email with 'love dad' before. I can't believe that's how much they love me and appreciate me as a daughter.

I am not trying to compare anything here but I really feel something that I have never experienced before. I always think that I will be so happy if my parents are proud of me, if they are happy to have me, or appreciate me as their daughter. My own parents are proud of me because I finished university. They came over for my graduation. I was happy. But the talks made me feel that they want more than that. They are not appreciated with what I achieved and they expect more. People always say they just love me in a different way. But shouldn't I be feeling the love from them? Fine, it's okay to have expectation on me, but I don't think I will be able to reach them, cos I don't think I will do an MBA. What the point of comparing me with other people's kids? Do I really have to follow everybody else's footsteps?

See they are not proud of me, and they don't appreciated what they have at all, and they want more and that's why they are pushy and that's why I fricking can't live with them. They will say "oh if you do this and that, you will be more proud of yourself." Does this sentence even make sense? They will be more proud of me but why can't they just be thankful that I fricking finished the tough work at University? Did they ever know how much I suffered to get the stupid degree?

"I am sorry dad. I know you appreciate me and you are proud of me already. You make the options opened for me to choose whatever I want to do. I know you are more of an understanding person. I should just change the 'they' above to 'she'. I love you dad."