One day of pilgrimage is not enough

Here I am again. I get to a point that I don't know the reason of dropping my tears anymore. Am I too sad or too happy? I forgot.

I always want to talk about my problems with other people. However, there is no way to start, at least I don't know how to. And again, it's too sad to talk about it. Therefore, I shut up, or I lie. I hide it too well. After I cried, people said hey monika you looked tired. Then I smiled and said yes. When the hell am I going to step out of my boundaries and talk to people about my problem? Or is this going to happen?

"Make me not to so crave to be loved as to love;" Lord help me how to do this

I saw Fr Elliot today. It was so great to talk to him. He is always encouraging. He always makes himself available to us. I told him about everything spiritually. Everything has been doing great. I lied, even on my face. That nice big smile reallly worked magic. I am sorry, but I really don't know what to say. I said I was gonna call him. This time, I made myself promise to call him on tuesday. You know, no one can help me unless I step up and help myself. You shall be fine kid.