10 months later

Wow, this is how long I haven't had any input into this blog. And what takes me back today? It's the same thing which helped me to start this blog. We both left the country and started a whole brand new life somewhere else, like we're almost too afraid to meet each other again.

Not only I went through the blog of this person, two years later, almost three, I also went through my life two three years ago. It was a pity that my name disappears at the life in the past. It bugs me.

People say, life moves on. The planet keeps spinning. It seems like everybody is just strong enough to face the future, to live a new life. Am I the only person who stays in the memory? Am I the only person who couldn't let go of the past?

Considering what I am right now, am I going to miss this life once I decide to leave?

Almost forgot how much I actually love this blog....

Special Olympics

It's been almost 2 months since the last time I contributed to this blog. Things just happened like flashes. It proceeded to the next stage before I even got a chance to react. This is how things are going out of control.

Me and volunteer work....we certainly have a good relationship. Therefore, I would not think there will be any misunderstanding or disagreement between us. But then....never say never. It happened. And it hit me bad.

It was probably my first time working with severe mentally challenged individuals, as I only had experiences in minor or medium level clients. The supervisor warned us that there WILL be difficulties in communications. It wouldn't matter if you spend more time with one client. Make sure you do everything right. Everything includes the measurements in passive range of motion, and the correct position of the exercise.

This is probably me, who really underestimated the situation. I thought since I had experience in working with a wide range of clients, everything was going to work out just fine. Unfortunately, I had a difficult time in letting them understand what they are supposed to do.

And the worst thing is, I found out that I lost patience although I can still control the temper. This is really the unmerciful side of me, this close to yell at them. God...where is the passion and patience that I had for them before? They just disappeared. How can that happen?

I cherish them as the greatest gift that God gave me, the passion for the weak, and patience for the poor. God, are you taking away the gift away from me piece by piece? Because I am not using them well?

PPTP practical test

The PPTP practical test was tackled. Christmas holiday has begun, since I am saved from the re-test.

When I got there at 8am, the first group was waiting for their turn to be executed. Then when I came back from breakfast, 2/4 classmates failed. Another group went in, and the result is 4 out of 6 classmates failed. Isn't it scary? The failing percentage is over 50%. I tried my best to practise everything in the remaining time, as my execution time was 3:30pm.

It was the worst torture ever. I got sick stomach for the whole time. By the time we got in, my partner did the questions first. My face was all red even though I acted as his patient. Now it was my turn. I looked at the questions. Whew, instant relief right there. I prayed for pronation/supination MMT questions, and I got one hahahaha. The other question was grade 3 to grade 4 exercise for scapular protraction exercise.

20 minutes was gone. Although I can't talk for a couple of moments, I felt as light as a feather as there was no more stress behind me. Thinking about my christmas plans, I realized that I have to pack and clean up the house. We are moving our stuff. It's going to be a busy "holiday". Hate it so much cos my dad doesn't see Christmas as a big deal. But it really does mean a lot to me.

Christmas

As exams are almost over, Christmas is approaching.

Christmas is supposed to be one of my favourite holidays. Nothing can replace the warmth, peace and joy that are brought from this holiday.

Sadly, I have been drawn apart from those things this year.

Last night I saw the commercial about the world tour of Il Divo. They are gonna be in Hong Kong on Jan 22nd, 2007. My heart cried out loud and begged for me to go. One moment later, my brain shut it up. It told my heart that it wasn't sure who else is willing to go.

Coming back to this joyous holiday. Finally I realized that it's gonna be different this year. There won't be any grand last minute christmas shopping. There won't be Boxing Day sale. There will be no more crazy choir practice for the christmas choral singing. There will be no more black and white uniform for midnight mass. In contrast, not only I have to sneak out to mass again, but also probably going alone.

Christmas, by myself. It's gonna be quiet. Probably a little too quiet.

studying....PSL

Recently lost control of my life....wait.. have I ever take control...ever??

Why am I stuck in this stupid subject? Physiology??

Now I remember why I wasn't in physiology, because I hated it. The attempts of building a connection with it.....I probably get rejected...

that's why i still hate it.....

Omg.... studying physiology.... bored to death

For some reasons, I really miss this blog today. It's probably because I couldn't stay focus on my physiology revision. I am soooo screwed. The desire of burning the books and notes has almost come to a maximum.

That's why I am writing right now

Thanking the enemy

An email from Uncle Patrick:

Here is today's heartfelt blessing:

"That person who is hardest to forgive is the one who can teach you the greatest lessons." - Louise Hay, publisher and author of "You Can Heal Your Life"

One of the most difficult spiritual lessons for us to master is realizing that every experience and every person in our lives is here to help us grow and become all we can be. Sometimes the experiences are triumphs and the people cheerleaders, but more often than not, it is the difficulties and the enemies we encounter that prod us forward and force us to reach within and claim our destiny.

Certainly we must be thankful for our friends and loved ones, but we should not forget to be thankful for those who would be our enemies, too. For blessings often come from where we least expect them and every blessing, no matter from whence it came, is worthy of our gratitude. Every single one.

A sharing of Our Lady of Lourdes

Listen in silence because if your heart is full of other things, you cannot hear the voice of God. This is the silent, private joy of personal prayer that St Bernadette experienced before the statue of Our Lady. When I was reading Mother Teresa's book, she taught us the way to pray. Sometimes prayers are burning words from the furnace of hearts filled with love. Sometimes we practise internal and external silence. If your heart is full of other things, you cannot hear the voice of God. Then I wonder, how are we supposed to do that? Do it ever exist? In this world, it is already a challenge to be in a quiet environment. Even though there is external silence, it seems like our hearts can never be settled. We think of school, family, work and other worries. How is it possible to induce silence?

Miraculously, at the beautiful scene of Mother Mary once appeared, there was the precious silence we all have been looking for. Not only I seeked external silence, in front of the immaculate conception, I also seeked the calmness within. Realizing how it is to empty myself in prayers, I see this as my moment with Mother Mary. It's not like I have nothing to say anymore. I could've thanked her 10 million times for a lot of things, could've dragged her about my every single desire. As night time approached, after the Marian Procession, we went to her statue and prayed. We stared at her, started the Rosary again, stared at her, in silence, continued with our moment. She is too pretty to take my eyes off her. The tear of joy dropped, and this phrase echoed: You are precious in my eyes, and I love you. (Isaiah 43:4)

Give Thanks

GIVE THANKS WITH A GRATEFUL HEART
GIVE THANKS TO THE HOLY ONE
GIVE THANKS FOR HE'S GIVEN
JESUS CHRIST, HIS SON(X2)

AND NOW LET THE WEAK SAY I AM STRONG
LET THE POOR SAY I AM RICH
BECAUSE OF WHAT THE LORD HAS DONE FOR US (X2)
GIVE THANKS...

In this thanksgiving season, let's thank God for providing us everything. Although sometimes He do not give whatever you ask for, He always give us more than enough.

And we remember those who are hungry. We remember those who are suffering from sickness and pain. We remember those who doesn't have a shelter.

We thank You for coming to our lives.

Volleyball vs Life

People said university life is full of varieties. Although this is not my first degree, it still surprises me a lot when I walked through the podium on Monday. There were so many communities, clubs and societies available for students to join. Other than studying, getting into those social groups definitely adds different flavours to the plain university life.

In my head, I could only think of volleyball before I came here. Remember I have discussed with a patient about my life? Volleyball on Monday Wednesday Friday night, Spanish class Tuesday night, I have thursday night open for family and study. The patient asked "where are you gonna put in your social life? Like a boyfriend?" I said... sorry... no time for boyfriend here, or this person has to be as busy as I am. In fact, I am not intentionally looking for one. Anyhow, this patient knew that I love reading as well. So she sugguested that I should do the same as I was in Toronto, go to a coffee shop, order and Latte or Espresso, then read your novel quietly.

"Oh yes I am gonna do that for sure."

'WHEN ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT? LOOK AT YOUR SCHEDULE!!!'

She's right, I packed too many activities in my schedule, and most of them are volleyball.

Because I noticed that i couldn't live a normal life without volleyball.
Unfortunately, issues about volleyball came up. Not only it takes up most of my time after school, it also stresses me to another extent. It feels like my first year of tricampus volleyball. I definitely do not want to go through the same thing again, stress from volleyball leads the loss of focus in my academic work. Other than volleyball, there are other important things which dominate my life as well. A support group is what I am looking for, and I totally found that group on Monday, or I should say, He found me while I am in trouble. But then it also requires a certain type of commitment. Don't get me wrong here, I am more than willing to commit to You. But this is like Your first sign for me. Plus You told me about playing volleyball somewhere else without taking up too much of my time.

Don't know if it's the coffee, or the pressure for being a student leader in lab today, there's anxiety in tummy during dinner time with YanYan, after I told her about the idea of discontinuing varsity volleyball. Volleyball and Quitting should never come together in my mentality. Unbelievably, this is happening. So I will leave it up to You to tell me what to do.

Injure me, for I am stupid, need something as obvious as possible.

The answer was pretty obvious, without injury.

Thanks for protecting me.

I know what to do, but

... ... giving up volleyball ... ...

for a person who's that aggressive and competitive like myself

...... this is a first ......

My destiny

The King taught the boy that, the most important is that you have succeeded in discovering your destiny. But the boy didn't know what a person's destiny was. A destiny was something that we always wanted to accomplish. When we were young, everything was possible. We were not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything we would like to see happen to us in our lives. Unfortunately, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince us that it will be impossible for us to realize our destiny. Although it's a force that appears to be negative, actually shows us how to realize our destiny. It prepares our spirits and our will, because there is one great truth on this planet: whoever we are, or whatever it is that we do, when we really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe. It's our missions on earth. Once we realize our destiny, all the universe conspires in helping us to achieve it. (Coelho, The Alchemist, 22-23)

There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure. (Coelho, The Alchemist, 149)

So, here we go. Although it took me the longest time to realize my destiny, hopefully this is not too late. Our destiny may change over time because wants never stop in our lives. Therefore, I have set my destiny for the next couple of years.

(1) 23rd World Youth Day, Sydney, July 15-19, 2008
(2) XXIX Summer Olympics, Beijing, August 6-24, 2008

My spirit and my will should be prepared!!! All the universe comspires in helping me to achieve it!!!

The Alchemist is such an amazing book. Not only it helped us to realize our destiny, it also help us to appreciate life, to speak the same language as the world.

Highly recommended.

Ideal World

Chiara's ideal world resembles moomin valley. It consists of

Natural environment:
Blue sky so you can enjoy every split second of sunrise and sunset.
Green grass for us to lie down, trees for us to read under their shades.

No pollution:
Chariot is the only vehicle allowed, no honk but bells.
Nobody knows what cigarettes are.
The sound of silence within traces of breeze

People:
Human and animals live peacefully together.
Praises and polite words are highly recommended, yet no swearing word is allowed.
We sincerely care about each other, not because of something else
Smiles are strongly encouraged.
Well being is much more important than money.
We should just receive what we work for (or gifts from friends :P)
An innocent heart is very very very very very important!!!

Hong Kong is everything but those listed above. Obviously I am not working towards the ideal world, probably the opposite direction. May be I am too easy to get annoyed. God are You testing my patience? Are You trying to increase my tolerance level? FINE. I honestly don't like it BUT I will try. And You know I can't do it without You!!!

Natural highs

Just received an email from a friend, which cheers me up a little in this depressing environment.

It Does Make You Feel Good, especially the thought at the end #45.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you.
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke.
24. Friends.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38 Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the _____expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Thanks for having Your arms around my shoulder, Your hands to wipe my tears.

An image of myself

What happens when people meet someone, or talk to someone who sounds exactly like you?

He said he doesn't have a life. He said he wants to start to be alone since he doesn't want his problems to mess up other people's lives. Sounds familiar?

He said it's selfish to have other people worry about you when they have their own set of problems.

He said he doesn't want to be a drag of other people.

He said he did hang out with the right friend, but the friend right left.

This kid sounded exactly like me. The only thing I could do is to tell him what Edwin told me before, when I addressed the problem for the very first time in my life, after 13 months.

This odour of sadness is all coming back to me.

tear drop 1/tear drop 2/tear drop 3/thanks you

Therefore, I wish I could be as caring as Edwin. Sometimes people don't need you to solve the problem for them. They probably just need someone to talk to. It won't take up too much of your time. Be there and be a good listener show them that although he/she is going through some difficult times, he/she is not alone. And that's more than enough.

Thanks again Edwin. And I am going to do my best to offer. Talk to me friends.

Retrieve my life

One of the reasons why I feel homesick is probably due to the disruption of lifestyle: No more sunday church, no more walk-in weekday mass, not much volleyball, no more convenient coffee, no where to sit at the bookstore to read for hours....

However, I started to look for those things myself.

Sunday church....i am still working on it. I've gotta find a home church for myself. It's not like I will slowly drive myself away from church without a community, but God's nation involves people, the interaction amongst people. And only in a community, the relationship between God and ppl will be closer. As He say, "For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them." (Matthew 18:20) Unfortunately, for the pass week, I went to the Rosary church around school for the Sacred Heart mass, and Our Lady of Mount Carmel in Wan Chai for mass on Saturday.... still no sunday mass.

I knew there were starbucks in Hong Kong. So I went to get a coffee yesterday, my first cup of coffee in Hong Kong. It cost me HK$20 for a tall coffee, compared to CND$1.89, this was totally overcharged. Overcharging for a little wasn't the problem, it didn't taste as good either. But it was strong enough to keep me awake.

Saturday, before church, I intended to go to the bookstores to see if there were any good novels in Hong Kong. Although I borrowed "the Alchemist" from Lucy, I didn't really finish it before I came to Hong Kong. Therefore, my target was "the Alchemist". Surprisingly, this book wasn't found under novel, but under literature. Literature appears to be very classic and ancient to me, like Shakespare, Charles Dickens.... those are literature. Paul Coelho's novel are very spiritual but i'am not sure it should be under the category Literature. I finally got "the Alchemist". What an awesome book!! While reading it, it feels like I am earning life knowledge constantly. For every page I flip, the knowledge pour towards my intelligence, working towards enlightment. This is the true treasure, the most precious thing in life. Anyhow, the variety of books at the English section is actually not bad. I have already figured out the next book i am going to read.

There was a school team volleyball practice last night. I played middle for a while but haven't really polished my skills at quicks. It required a lot of energy. With my activity level and weight gain for the past two weeks, my moves were so slow. My swings are strong, but not fast enough. And that was a lot of work, got exhausted too fast. So embarassing...... But i will work hard. I try not to put too much pressure on myself because i guess i have been doing that too often. At this stage of my life, I should really take it easy.. well except school. The book talks about omen all the time. If you want to realize your destiny, the environment will help you to achieve it. However, I don't know if that really is my destiny, being a powerful middle haha. But I will try, I promise.

Homesick

Hong Kong is such a strange place. All you see is grumpy faces, no, not on a volleyball court, but on the streets, just normal streets. Living with mom and dad again was not as bad as I thought, although sometimes they like to know about me a little more, which is kinda annoying since I am so used to humongous personal space.

My left arm is still so used to switch off the lights when i get out of the bathroom. The fingers are pressing on nothing, I remind myself, this is not Toronto.

My body is complaining about me, for not playing volleyball for too long. My legs are dancing...... my arms are swinging......

The classes are long and informative. I got tired in class very easily..... where is my Grande Green Tea Latte??

We went to the Kowloon side yesterday, walking across some weird streets. Since when the allergy at my nose has gone away, and started to smell things again. It's gross....

How can it happen? My elbow has heavily hit on something for at least 3 times already, and I have only been here for less than a week.

It's so weird that I don't feel like calling any of my friends here this time. And I seriously miss my friends in Toronto.... especially the ppl who "get on my nerve".....

tell me what it is if that's not homesick...

Our Deal

YOU love me soo much....

I can see the deal between us...... it's working, and I can see Your answer.

Thank YOU LORD

A million thanks

A song written by my Godfather for me to dedicate to all of you:

I never forget the day I join you

I never have a day so happy

I never forget the friendly hands to hold me

I can't forget the love you share

A million thanks to all of you

who brought me the love and the care

Tomorrow I say goodbye to all

Sure will have a tear to shed

Dear Sisters will you be happy for I bring to you only trouble

Dear Brothers I will never be naughty again, but I wish I still a kid as well

A million thanks to all of you

who straight the path I'll be stepped

Memorize each day and places

Nothing is better than that

If the time can flow back for ten years more

I can do better than before

Now let me start on tomorrow

Brings the joy to my door

Farewell from YOSAC

What a memorable night
THANK YOU soooo much
YOU guys are the BEST
LOVE YA

Just...some sad memories

WHY?? do i have to meet him again....

It's not like there's anything between us anymore....

However, seeing him reminded me of my emotional stage at that period.

How my self esteem reached the lowest point ever in my life
How my tears dropped everyday for an unknown reason
How I found out I actually needed to go through difficult times by myself
How stress from school dominated for the most part of my life
How I thought worries would go away after a good night sleep

It all came back. It made me wanna cry, again.
God what do you want me to do with him, before I leave this place?

It does not matter

Man is unreasonable, illogical, selfish

It does not matter, love him!

The good you do will be forgotten

It does not matter, do good!

Honesty and sincerity make you vulnerable

It does not matter, be frank and honest!

What has taken you years to build, can be destroyed in an instant

It does not matter, build!

Give the world your best, and they will kick you for it

It does not matter, give your best!

-Mother Teresa of Calcutta

Lesson learned: forgive is divine. when ppl treat u like dirt, love them 10 times more than normal. when ppl don't care about u, care them more than you could ever expect. Do not count on the return but to love unconditionally.