Chronically suicide

Tell me I am not killing chronically. I eat so much junk food, bombard myself with McDonald's fries, 341ml of 7% alcohol before I go to bed. I can only think of super elevated cholesterol level and chronic liver damage, which leads cirrhosis. Plus I am sad most of the time these days, this gives more stress to my liver. More stress to my liver causes more depression, then more stress to the liver, then more depressed...it's like a positive feedback. If this is not chronic suicide, tell me what is?

In order to break the chain, all I need is someone to talk to. I was lucky. I did have someone to talk to, after broken myself into tears for 15 minutes. May be I really do need professional help since my tears just come out of nowhere. And the worst thing is, it doesn't stop and gives me an headache afterwards.

Talking to someone not only makes me feel better about the problem itself, but also the fact that someone is willing to sacrifice the time for me, and listen to me. Unfortunately, this somebody is my ex, someone I shouldn't talk to too much. But, who else is there? Now I feel ashamed to tell people that I am depressed, after I diagnosed myself. Plus, remember, I try not to bug them much. No one has to take the shit from me. No one is supposed to, and dealing with me is too much to ask for. Look at me, the sore, swollen eyes make me look notably ugly.