Valentine's DayS

This year's valentine's day is crap. It was raining almost the whole day. It seemed like God was crying with me. Although I converted most of my negative energy to volunteer work, I just couldn't hold it anymore.

I thought I handled everything pretty well. I turned to a tough girl, tougher than I thought. Then I knew I wasn't that tough when I started crying at the last scene of "You've got mail" last night.

I hate myself so much. I felt like crap. Then I used this volunteer work to make myself feel better. Putting on the nice smile for the whole day, talking to people every minute, I felt good. However, I can't stop. Whenever I stopped, I started thinking, and it's over. Tears just came out right away.

I went to auntie Teresa's place for the weekend. When I looked at the beautiful flowers that Tim and Maverick prepared for their gfs, I felt bitter. I felt bitter not because I was not with somebody this year. I was upset because for the last 5 years, I realized that I haven't received anything special from my ex-es. So, for all these years, no flowers, no cards and no gifts. But I have never complained about anything as soon as we were spending the day together. The 1st v day with Eric, I sprained my ankle while playing vball at the AC. Then we went to Eric's house, had a nice dinner with his parents. The 2nd vday with Eric, I spent the whole day playing a vball tournament. He came to watch for the last 2 games. Then again, we went to Eric's house, had a nice dinner with his parents. So, we were spending most of the day together. But now that I thought of it, on this special day for lovers, we didn't do anything lovers do. How come I couldn't see it earlier? Anyway, no flowers, no cards, no gifts and no valentine this year.