The most helpless cry

I wish I could think less. Right now, I am just thinking too much. Thinking about how messy my life is, how miserable myself is. I really got sick of complaining my own life, sick of it. I really want to stop doing that to myself. I know I will go to depression easily if I keep doing that. However, I really can't help it.

I was a quiet person before. It was so hard for me to tell other people what I thought. On the other hand, I didn't think people around wanted to take the shit from me. So, I could only share with the one and only listener of mine. However, this one and only listener does not exist anymore. I have to find other listeners. So I approach my friends, and hopefully they care. I started to talk alot. Talking makes me feel better because we all can laugh at my problem. Then I wouldn't think that is such big of a deal.

I hate the fact that I have to complain so much. I still think that people around don't have to take the shit from me.

I really have a problem in putting what I wanted to say in words. I tried, I am so confused. Of the every point I made, I think I have bugged my friends too much. They couldn't take it anymore. So, from now on, I am just going to shut up, shut up, stop talking. I think I scared my friends away. I mean, I am not a person who deserves that much attention. I mean, I just feel like I am nobody and there is no one who cares about this nobody. I am not saying that because I need attention from people. I don't need attention. I know I don't deserve it.

I am sorry Shehzy. I didn't mean to leave w/o saying anything. But at that time I really needed somebody to talk to and I guessed you were tired. I just have to rush back to the room before my tears run out.

Whatever, my head is going to blow up soon. I don't care even if I don't know what the heck I am writing. I am just having the most helpless cry ever.