It's just messed up

See I don't know what to say in here anymore. I felt so messed up. I am so sick of myself complaining about everything in life. Why can't I be appreciated about more things in life? Why am I still complaining? How come I can never satisfied with what I have? who I am? What I do?

We lost another game today. And I checked the standings tonight, we didn't make the playoffs. I felt bitter because I certainly thought that we had the best team in the league and we haven't given our best game today, and the UTSC game, and the UTM game. I wish I could play better.

I was mad because we lost to Linda, not the white team. Honestly, her team was crap. She was putting on her Linda's show. I mean, I have to give her credit that she is a good vball player. However, personality-wise, I couldn't find the best word to describe it, but it's full of shit. I was trying so hard to accept her, I just can't, started from day 1. As soon as I knew mia and anne felt the same, I realized that it's not just me, who is having problem with this person. But I guess people's personality don't quite show on the court.

I received an email from Di, our coach after the game, asking me if I was really going to stay with Tigers this year. She persuades me to try-out her team since it's more competitive. She is trying to tell me that I won't be alone in a new team because I know her, Linda and Viv. I mean, you gotta find a better reason, or some better people to persuade me to switch team. Being on the same team with Linda is the last thing I want in my life, that's for sure. Just in case I forget about that in the future, I need to write this down. I can't look at her evil face for one more second. She freaking gave Anne cut eyes today since she thought that Anne was making false judgements as linesperson. I mean, we are athletes. We don't do that because we have sportsmanship. Unlike You, trying to cheat and bring in a friend to play in the UT league who doesn't even go to UT. omg, I should stop talking about this, I don't think it's worth-it to waste my space to write about this evil person. But I am upset, because we lost to this team with an evil as the leader.

Issue with Eric still hasn't been resolved. I don't know what to do with him. I want to call him, just to catch up what's going on with him. I feel good talking to him, even if we are just friends. I wish he still cares about me. But he hasn't called back, which makes me feel bitter. I have been fooling myself alot lately, by telling myself that he still wants to talk to me, he just doesn't get the chance. Oh no....now that I think of it, I am so bad to Richie. Everytime I feel like I want to call Eric and talk to him, I call Richie instead. I shouldn't do that. I should call Richie when I really want to call him. Shit, I really don't know what I am doing. I probably just need someone to talk to. All of my friends think that I am over eric. I am not upset about the break up anymore. Sadly, I am still upset. I don't know what I want. I am upset about what's happening. I don't want the break up. But now that we are separated, I don't want to get back together again even if we have the chance. So, I don't know what I am thinking, and I don't know what I should think. I basically have nothing to look forward to. But at least there is one good thing happening. His parents are doing well right now. Things in his family are working toward the right direction. Hopefully, they will be able to pull through. On the other hand, when everything is working out well, eric will meet other people, and I don't know I will be able to handle that. Honestly, I don't think I will.

My prayers are with the health of our Pope.