Emotionally detached

After broken up with Eric for couple of months, I learnt not to count on people's words. When they said they are going to do something, or to call, they won't indeed. Therefore, when nomis messaged me and said he was going to call me. I couldn't believe him. I wouldn't expect he's gonna call. Surprisingly, he called instead. He was asking me out for the weekend. I gave him a call saturday afternoon, planning to meet up at night.

I went to Engerla's kegger party on friday. I had so much fun as I haven't got that drunk in such a long time. I got to a point that I asked God for help. I said "I am sorry God, I won't drink that much next time, help me not to puke." I didn't know I was that drunk until I felt my head spinning when I closed my eyes. Tommy took me to Hugh's room and sleep. I thought Tommy hugged me to sleep, don't remember, but so nice. He's always nice. I woke up with a hangover in the morning. I went to work with this hangover. Now I completely trust the power of make up. I looked like crap I swear. Then I put the make up on in the clinic. Make up changed me into a girl who had a good sleep the night before. So amazing. I met the patient roy again. I told him about the phone call from nomis the night before. He said, "See, you gotta help him a little." He said I was the one who was pushing the other day. Well, I was just a little frustrated when he didn't do anything.

Saturday night, I went to his place to watch TV. We were actually watching the NBA playoffs, Heat vs Wizards. That was a tight game man. It was so excited for the last two minutes. Anyways, I was a little nervous when I first saw him last night. I didn't know what to say and he probably didn't know as well, besides how's it going. He always said that I used him for TV, and he used me for massage. I can't believe it, his back is still really bad. I really wish my massage can relieve his pain for a little. So, I asked him about us because I didn't think I can go on without knowing anything. I actually didn't remember how the heck I squeezed out the question, but he said he wasn't looking for something serious at this point of his life. I was surprised that he was that honest with me. He likes me, and would like to spend time with me, and enjoys my accompany. He thinks I am a nice girl. When I asked him how we came to this point, since he didn't really know me. Amazingly, he told me everything he knew about me. I found it fascinating because I didn't know he actually remembers things about me. Then we kinda of talked about the different environments we grew up, I was sheltered while he was pissed off most of the time. That was funny. Now I understand that he is a very matured person due to the way he was brought up. Hopefully he won't think I am an idiot all the time. After last night, I knew him more and I felt more relaxed talking to him than before.

Honestly, right at the moment he said he wasn't looking for anything serious, I immediately thought of what I was doing with him. I totally know that this is not going anywhere. Then I asked myself, do you really want this to go somewhere? Since I couldn't give myself a clear answer, I should stop questioning where this is going. I don't feel like I am emotionally involved with him. I am just having a good time with him. See this is completely different from the previous relationships. I didn't expect anything from him. I am not angry at all even if he doesn't call. I may miss him a little the minute after I say goodbye to him. But I don't feel disappointed because I have to leave him for the day. I have never understood how people can go out with their partners while they don't have any feelings at all. Now, I kinda get it, but for sure I have feelings for him. It's just my brain is not there.

Isn't that great? When both of us don't expect anything from each other? Man, I need to learn to be independent before I get involved in a relationship again.