Stop being convenient

I was talking to Asuka on the night before I left Toronto. We drew to conclusion that I should stop being convenient to nomis. We started to talk about that because I was mad when I talked to him on the phone after practice. I had a feeling that he didn't want to talk to me. You can't under estimate a girl's instinct. I guess that's what going to happen. He is going to get rid of me sooner or later. I should be prepared.

I just don't think I am the kind of person who can be involved in "i don't know what it is" relationship. I am a pisces hehe.. a horoscope that can never stop loving. So if I am attracted to someone, I will only like him more and more, while the other person may not have the same behaviour. Therefore, in the end, I will be left alone cos the other party can definitely get out of this "i don't know what it is" thing. I think that's exactly what's happening with me and nomis. I started to get mad at him when I had a feeling that he wasn't very happy to talk to me. Right at the moment, I know I am screwed. I started to expect something from him. I started to have a problem if I don't have his attention. That's why I had to talk to Asuka. And I should definitely get out of it before it's too late. And I was so sure that I wasn't going to call him after the retreat.

However, while amo and I were walking last night, she emphasized that he is not an asian. I shouldn't expect him to act like an asian then. Because of the cultural difference, sometimes I have to take the initiative. She encouraged me to call him. So I called him last night but nobody answered, which I personally think this is another evidence of being got rid of.

After the phone call, and after disappearing online for a couple of days, I saw him online at like 1am. We started talking to each other again online just now. I think it's the holy spirit who is helping me to get rid of this person. I feel more and more uncomfortable chatting with him. First of all, I don't know what the heck he is thinking. If he wants to get rid of me, why does he even bother to say hi to me. Second of all, he still sounds really cold. It's like question and answer session. And people who knows me well know that monika doesn't take initiative and she doesn't talk much. Lastly, I think I am seriously done with him. I really should take control before it's too late. And damn, I should stop looking for excuses for him. I know he is very busy, but I should feel more comfortable than that cos I don't have a problem with workaholics.

Anyways, just don't initiate conversations anymore. Pray the Rosary whenever you want to yell at him.