It's almost gone

As soon as I am done with my exams, I went shopping with Sandra. We went to Eaton Centre and Queen Street. That was actually the first time I went shopping on Queen street. I was so exhausted yet exciting. Although I couldn't choose anything that I really really want with a reasonable price, I will definitely go again. See I have a problem in purchasing when I am going to somebody. To me, shopping means going alone and buy something for myself or someone else. Go shopping with friends or sister, means I want to hang out with them.

So, the first night of relief went okay I guess. I did all the laundries, sheets, clothes and jeans. I used THREE washing machines and TWO dryers to do all the laundries. CRAZY! Anyway, something really bad happened in between. While I was talking to Sandra today about nomis, she said that he might be interested in me. May be I should just befriend him and see what happens, instead of completely getting rid of him. Therefore, I started talking to him again on msn. I don't know if he is a quiet person or not, I just wanted to initiate conversation with him. So I asked him a lot of questions, some personal ones as well. I think he felt offended since he didn't want to talk about it just to satisfy my curiosity. I felt so so bad. I think I made him really upset about have to deal with the memories with me.

I begged him to listen to the reason of asking. I told him about Eric's family problems. I was just trying to understand what the kids are actually thinking at that stage. I have never been through that kind of problem. I don't know what I am supposed to think at that age. When I was 16, I just hoped to win the interschool vball tournament with my team. When I was 16, I was worried about additional math, was worried about the public exam, was worried about not able to promote to A Level.

See, I was brought up in a completely closed environment. I have to admit that Clarians rarely connect with the outside world, the complicated one. Now I want to know how is it supposed to be. Actually, I don't really want to know, but I think I don't have a choice. Most people around me have the same problem.

He said I made him feel like a zoo animal sometimes. Sometimes, not only once. Cause I remember he once said, "You have been asking me all these questions, how 'bout you?" Right, I have been asking him so many questions without me talking about myself. I tried not to talk about myself too much lately. I have this problem in talking too much about myself to the patients. Sometimes, I don't know if the other person would really like to get to know me. I don't know if the other person would be annoyed by me, talking about my problems or myself. Especially when I am a health care provider, I should be focusing more on the patient, not myself.

I am not sure if nomis really want to get to know me, that's why I have been asking him questions, instead of me talking about myself. I wish I could tell him that. I am really sorry, and I wish he understands.