what am I supposed to feel?

It happened, so what am i supposed to feel?

I talked to asuka last night about what's happening. There wasn't any comment added.

Since my mind is still a little messed up right now, I can't put everything into sentences. I am going to organize everything in the most comfortable way, scientific form

• I am still wondering what his intentions are.
• Does he like me? Or just playing?
• If he's playing, I lose a friend.
• If he's not, am I really want to go out with him?
• Since I didn't say anything, will he think that I am playing?
• He hasn't called since, he is gonna call me?
• If he's playing, I will never see him online again.
• If he's not playing, I wish I will go serious with him.
• If he's playing, do I still want to talk to him.
• verick said that he would be surprised if he has feelings for me
• what am i supposed to feel?

Honestly, sometimes when I look at myself, which part of me could make people to have feelings for me? If I were a guy, I wouldn't fall in love with me. Why would he like me? Just try to use the functional part of your pighead.

I am so freaking screwed up. I am so confused. I don't even know what I want. If he doesn't call at all, I will just assume he is playing and I will not bother him in my entire life again. (shit, I am freaking drowning. Why do I have tears when I think that I am not going to see him again.)

I wrote a letter to the Holy Mother. I really wish the Holy Mother will send her blessings to him. I asked her to take care him emotionally, his new business and his back pain.

Damn, the more I think about it, the more I miss him...... i am never gonna see him online again.