May be he is not interested in me

We had a nice talk last night. Actually I didn't think it was that nice because it seems like both of us avoid to talk about us. The connection, relationship between is what I want to know. But I didn't have the courage to ask him anything. And obviously he didn't say anything. However, this is almost the first time he started the conversation. I was surprised. I thought he wasn't going to talk to me anymore for his entire life.

I was just talking to roy today. I told him everything because he saw my depressing look on saturday, after what happened with nomis. I told him that we weren't even talking on the phone, just on msn. And we didn't talk about us. He didn't ask me out or anything. Roy told me to ask him out. But people who know me well will know that Monika will not do something like that. I wouldn't have the courage to ask him what's going on between us, and asking the guy out. That's just not me no matter how nice it will work. Since he is not asking me out, Roy said he may not be interested in me. And if a guy likes a girl, he will keep asking the girl out for coffee, tea, movie, or whatever you know. But he is not doing any of this. I have gotta forget about this guy.

[sigh] What happen if he wants another gathering at his place? You know the more I think of it, I miss him more, and like him more. What am I gonna do? I will just go to his place again. Okay, let's make a deal. I will go to his place and do whatever I have to do, then leave unless he says something. See I am not trying to push him to say anything. I just don't want to start something which is not going anywhere, or which doesn't mean anything to him while it means a whole lot for me.

I went to see the "Alan Tam and Hacken Lee concert" tonight. It was great. When I looked at the way Hacken Lee sang, it was so touching. The melody slightly touched my heart. It looked like he was very into the song, into the mood of the song, that's why it's so touching. I was thinking, may be I should start to sing like this. Cos I think I have never tried to mean the lyrics that I sing. Okay, from now on, let me close my eyes and think of the lyrics before I sing. It would be much better.