Instant disappearence

I met Richie at TGH today. Surprisingly, he was in a bad mood, very bad mood. The optimistic Richie I knew wasn't there. His eyes were red.

He told me what he felt, how he felt. Although he never talked about what happened, I sensed the sadness and disppointment he had.

Most importantly, whatever costs my tears these days, I didn't have the guts to say it, he spoke it out loud. I almost cried, but I didn't. Because I knew he was there. The situation wasn't that bad.

I probably was not the best person to talk to at the moment, since I had so much issues I needed to resolve, or never be resolved. He made me speechless because I just agreed with everything he said. He suggested something like instant disappearence. He would like to do that. I would like to do that too. This disappearence includes completely erasing myself/himself from people's mind as well. How nice? I have never existed. That's the reason why people don't care, because you don't exist. This is better than they know you are there but they just don't care.

If there is a room where I could lock myself up for 7 days without anyone notice, I am there. No cell phones, no msn, no icq. It's not like I always use them anyway. Isn't that sad everyone is away on your msn list? Isn't that sad that you have a whole bunch of numbers in the cell phone but you don't know who to call? I wouldn't talk to people about my problem, I don't know how this is going to end up. Officially got depressed and sent to mental institution? That's would be great. I wouldn't have to deal with the outside world anymore.

How dare could I do that? Wouldn't I be acting like a 6 year old, doing something to make people mad just to grab their attention? And what happens if you find out they don't even know you have left?

"Healers can't heal themselves." I could make a lot of people happy. I generally care for other people, talk to them, listen to them, based on their problem. I help them to be more positive. Like what Richie said today, it's not like I care for you and you have to care for me. We don't measure how much to do for others. However, it would be nice if sometimes, someone is willing to do this for me.

Richie's problem sounded serious. I wish him well. Although he is nice, and feel exactly how I feel, he is not always approachable. I don't know when I am gonna see him again. May be that's part of the instant disappearence he generates.